Dating Part 2
Soo, you probably have gone on a few dates
and you found the perfect one, the one you want to marry. Well like my teacher
said, “Date ‘em till you hate ‘em”. But there are a few precautions that come
with dating someone.
In a book called “How to Avoid Marrying a
Jerk (Jerkette)”, by Dr. John Van Epp, he developed a program to follow in the
premarital relationship and decision-making process. It is called the
Relationship Attachment Model or RAM. There are five bonding dynamics
He said that in each relationship there
are different levels of in each category so might be higher than others. He
says the healthiest relationship will have the touch at a lower level and each
category increasing. That means that the Know category should be at the highest
level possible. The Know-Quo is the formula on getting to know someone.
1)
Talk:
It means mutual self-disclosure which means sharing feelings, hopes, worries
and so on.
2)
Togetherness:
Engage in a variety of activities. Don’t just stay home or go to the movies all
the time. Be creative, go out and do something new. This will provide with an
opportunity to get to know what type of person you are dating.
3)
Time:
You don’t begin to know someone until the first 3 months. Time is necessary to
get to know someone and to get to see their true colors.
One of the most common “acceptable” thing
in society is to reverse the proper order. Some might have higher levels of
touch before getting to know someone. The problem with this is that the
relationships based on only physical intimacy do not last. Some advice given
was:
Don’t rely on someone before getting to
know them. Why would I rely on someone who perhaps isn’t very trust worthy?
That is why it is important to know someone first.
Never commit to anyone more than you can
rely on them. Can you see the pattern? These steps build on one another. We
must come to know someone, then based on that, we can learnt to trust, then rely
on them.
Never touch more than you are committed.
Is this the person you really want to be with? Do you see yourself being with
this person than just now, than today? Would you give the most important thing
about yourself to someone you do not consider being with?
In order to have successful marriages, and
families, we need to build healthy relationships based on all these things and
love. By doing so, we can prevent things like divorce, teen pregnancy and other
things. Hopefully we can teach the younger generations the importance of
families and their future happiness.
