Date ‘em Til You Hate ‘em

Dating Part 2

Soo, you probably have gone on a few dates and you found the perfect one, the one you want to marry. Well like my teacher said, “Date ‘em till you hate ‘em”. But there are a few precautions that come with dating someone.

In a book called “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk (Jerkette)”, by Dr. John Van Epp, he developed a program to follow in the premarital relationship and decision-making process. It is called the Relationship Attachment Model or RAM. There are five bonding dynamics

He said that in each relationship there are different levels of in each category so might be higher than others. He says the healthiest relationship will have the touch at a lower level and each category increasing. That means that the Know category should be at the highest level possible. The Know-Quo is the formula on getting to know someone.

1)     Talk: It means mutual self-disclosure which means sharing feelings, hopes, worries and so on.

2)     Togetherness: Engage in a variety of activities. Don’t just stay home or go to the movies all the time. Be creative, go out and do something new. This will provide with an opportunity to get to know what type of person you are dating.

3)     Time: You don’t begin to know someone until the first 3 months. Time is necessary to get to know someone and to get to see their true colors.

One of the most common “acceptable” thing in society is to reverse the proper order. Some might have higher levels of touch before getting to know someone. The problem with this is that the relationships based on only physical intimacy do not last. Some advice given was:

Don’t rely on someone before getting to know them. Why would I rely on someone who perhaps isn’t very trust worthy? That is why it is important to know someone first.  

Never commit to anyone more than you can rely on them. Can you see the pattern? These steps build on one another. We must come to know someone, then based on that, we can learnt to trust, then rely on them.

Never touch more than you are committed. Is this the person you really want to be with? Do you see yourself being with this person than just now, than today? Would you give the most important thing about yourself to someone you do not consider being with?

In order to have successful marriages, and families, we need to build healthy relationships based on all these things and love. By doing so, we can prevent things like divorce, teen pregnancy and other things. Hopefully we can teach the younger generations the importance of families and their future happiness.