It's been a while...

Sorry I haven't posted in a long time! I promise to start again and share how great married life has been ;) 

New post coming soon!

Home Improvement

One thing that really surprised me in this weeks lesson was the development of the family and work. In the beginning, families worked together for their resources. The fathers would work in the field, the mothers and children would do the house work and other chores. Then after the industrial revolution, the men left the home to work, then the children followed, leaving the mothers at home alone. The children were then sent to school for 6 hours, keeping them away from time they would spent with their families. The women then had the need for work. Each one of these events changed the way the amount of time we spend with our families. I truly believe that the family is the most important thing we must take care of. if we are not spending time with the people that matter most, we are wasting opportunities to learn and grow. We become the person we are today because of the experiences we had with our families. Instead of being workaholics, or being too involved in our hobbies, we should make time to spend with our families. Not just by having fun but by working together as a family.

Huh?

Has it ever happen when you ask your sibling to help you do something and they say yes but in an annoyed tone of voice?  I've had experiences when I ask someone how they are doing and they say "fine", but I know they really are not fine because of the way they look. I also had experiences where someone would send me a text and I read it a certain way and they meant it in a completely different way. I'm pretty sure we all had those experiences. Communication is very important. Especially when it comes to understanding one another. The three different methods of communication are

• Words         14%
• Tone            35%
• Nonverbal    51%

                            =100%

As you can see, nonverbal makes up half the communication we do. I think a big problem we have in society is texting. When we text, we are only receiving 14%. That is why we tend to interpret things the wrong way. It is important to get to know each one of our family members so that we come to understand how they see and interpret things. We can then communicate with them in a way that we will be understood and we can understand them. This will help avoid problems that can occur when we do not understand each other. And if we do not have any problems, then we can have a happier family!

First comes love, then comes Marriage...

Now that you found the one you want to be with for the rest of your life, you are getting to get married. Marriage should be one of the most exciting things in your life. I know it is for me. I am currently engaged and I am so excited to get married. I know its been a long time coming for my mom haha. I am 23 years old, so for my mom, I need some catching up to do! She got engaged at 19, got married at 20 and had me at 21. I absolutely love that my mom is young enough to understand me and get along. Now that I am starting a new chapter in my life, I know that there will be some major changes. Some of these marital changes are:

• Lifestyle/accommodating schedules
• Distribution of responsibilities/establishing expectations
• Joint ownership
• Mutual decision making/becoming a team
• Budgeting/self supporting
• Establishing family boundaries
• Physical intimacy

 I think that each one of these are important to establish a good marriage. In marriage, there are times that hard times will come and you need to be prepared. These things will help us become selfless and make more sacrifices for one another. We will develop love, respect, trust, commitment and other attributes that will influence a successful marriage.

Date ‘em Til You Hate ‘em

Dating Part 2

Soo, you probably have gone on a few dates and you found the perfect one, the one you want to marry. Well like my teacher said, “Date ‘em till you hate ‘em”. But there are a few precautions that come with dating someone.

In a book called “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk (Jerkette)”, by Dr. John Van Epp, he developed a program to follow in the premarital relationship and decision-making process. It is called the Relationship Attachment Model or RAM. There are five bonding dynamics

He said that in each relationship there are different levels of in each category so might be higher than others. He says the healthiest relationship will have the touch at a lower level and each category increasing. That means that the Know category should be at the highest level possible. The Know-Quo is the formula on getting to know someone.

1)     Talk: It means mutual self-disclosure which means sharing feelings, hopes, worries and so on.

2)     Togetherness: Engage in a variety of activities. Don’t just stay home or go to the movies all the time. Be creative, go out and do something new. This will provide with an opportunity to get to know what type of person you are dating.

3)     Time: You don’t begin to know someone until the first 3 months. Time is necessary to get to know someone and to get to see their true colors.

One of the most common “acceptable” thing in society is to reverse the proper order. Some might have higher levels of touch before getting to know someone. The problem with this is that the relationships based on only physical intimacy do not last. Some advice given was:

Don’t rely on someone before getting to know them. Why would I rely on someone who perhaps isn’t very trust worthy? That is why it is important to know someone first.  

Never commit to anyone more than you can rely on them. Can you see the pattern? These steps build on one another. We must come to know someone, then based on that, we can learnt to trust, then rely on them.

Never touch more than you are committed. Is this the person you really want to be with? Do you see yourself being with this person than just now, than today? Would you give the most important thing about yourself to someone you do not consider being with?

In order to have successful marriages, and families, we need to build healthy relationships based on all these things and love. By doing so, we can prevent things like divorce, teen pregnancy and other things. Hopefully we can teach the younger generations the importance of families and their future happiness.